Friday, June 20, 2008

At Eastern Motors…your job's your credit

So I have a big decision to make, or at least a fun decision. I was kind of torn between two nicknames for my new Eastern Motors commercial. I figured everyone on the site could help me out. I've been driving a Mercedes CL550 from Easterns for over six months now and done nothing more than sign a couple footballs for them. I guess now it's my time to do some singing and dancing. "At Eastern Motors…Your jobs your credit."

Yesterday I drove down to the Eastern Motor dealership in Tysons Corner and we started working some of my ad stuff. We got a little bit stuck deciding between two nicknames. Robert, the owner asked me what I wanted to do for a character a couple months ago and I thought it would be cool to be John Wayne. I mean, John Wayne is a bad ass. I think I could try to fit that mold. The problem was with the costume. We thought I would look too much like a cowboy, which would be a disaster. Our other option was "Ice Man" Val Kilmer's character from the movie Top Gun. The Ice Man is pretty cool; he's got some tight aviators and can wear a cool leather bomber jacket. So for right now it's up in the air, but I think it would be awesome to say, "Hey baby, I'm John Wayne!"

It would be great to hear what everyone thinks about the nicknames and what I should be for the commercial. Once again, I would like to thank everyone for reading the blog, your comments make it so much fun to keep posting. Whatever we choose should be pretty funny. I'm sure I'm going to look like a dumbass and I'm gonna take a lotta shit for it, but who wouldn't do it for that Mercedes.

Finally I want to thank Easterns for bringing me in as part of their team. They have been nothing but amazing to me. Anything I have needed they brought straight to my house. If I have family in town they bring out a car out for them to drive. I backed the Mercedes into my truck and it was fixed and returned to my driveway in less than a month. (17,000 dollars in damage.) I even received an Eastern's golf cart for my wedding present. They've never asked questions, just pretty much hooked me up. Robert and the guys have treated me so well and it's been really cool to be a part of their family.

Facebook Comments


Ice Man! JW's shoes are tough to, might not sit well with the Redskin faithful.

Can I write in Johnny White Guy?


Dude, put on a BIG "S" on your chest with suspenders and nice pirate hat and do it as Sloth from Goonies!

Ice Man for sure. He is hot (you would fill is shoes WELL). JW is old and a COWBOY!!!!!!

your blog is always awesome, keep up the good work!!

You can always make up your own charactor such as "Pickle Man".

I have to agree with your John Wayne sentiments... too cowboy-ish.

Iceman is pretty frickin sweet, but I'm more of a Goose playing "Great Balls of Fire" fan myself.

Ice Man... and throw a nice chain over the bomber jacket.

Ice Man for sure....

You can be my wingman any time.

Like so many other things in life -- evening wear, kitchen aid mixers, felonies -- it comes down to accessories.

Aviator sunglasses are the cool of today. Cowboys aren't on the same level. Go Iceman.

Also, if you are willing to entertain third options, I vote for Bluto. He did end up a Senator, and his wife is almost as hot as Christy.

Cooley in the old school Adam West Batman suit would be pretty funny.

Captain Chaos... you need a Eastern's colored Superman suit with fans blowing your cape.

Eastern Motors commercial, eh? I guess this means you've really made it now!

As cool as Clint Eastwood would be (and it would be awesome) you cant look like a cowboy. It'd just be wrong. Go with Ice Man. Who doesn't love Val Kilmer?

When is the commercial coming out?

Ice Man definitely! Dont want to risk the whole Cowgirl thing.
"You can be my wingman anytime"

Dude! With you r famous short shorts...the PERFECT character is Dangle from Reno 911. You can dress up like him and do the running man! C'mon dude...If you're gonna make an ass of yourself...GO ALL THE WAY!'s the way he flies, ice cold, no mistakes.

Cooley, Wayne is cool and all, but ouch man, that hurts seeing you wearing a cowboy hat, ha ha! Awesome getting hooked up by Easterns though, SL for signing footballs, good lord! I think you should have Portis design a captain chaos suit for you and debut it in the Easters commercial.

Put on a cape and be "Captain Chaos." That's the Chris Cooley that all us 'Skins fans know and love. Plus, you wouldn't have to "live up" to any role, you could do whatever you wanted with it.

I think it should be Tommy Tight Shorts and show that clip of Jim Zorn in those shorts from the 80' guys can not let that clip rest in the locker room.

You could be Risky Business Tom Cruise..slide across the floor in some raybans and your eastern motors jersey singing "At Eastern Motors, your jobs your credit"


Whatever you do stay away from anything that looks cowboy-ish. John Wayne is bad-ass, but those who don't read your blog might get the wrong idea. Or at least a confused idea.

You don't need that kind of pub.

Besides, we'd rather tease you about the gay undertones of all that is Top Gun! Just jokin! Or maybe not?

Why not do something more rock, since you're a 'rock' guy? There's a whole assortment of good costume material there. Nikki Sixx? Angus Young? Kiss? You get the idea.

Anyway, keep on a-rockin!


you gotta go w/ice man i thought you would go w/capt. chaos. but cowboys!


Whatever you do stay away from anything that looks cowboy-ish. John Wayne is bad-ass, but those who don't read your blog might get the wrong idea. Or at least a confused idea.

You don't need that kind of pub.

Besides, we'd rather tease you about the gay undertones of all that is Top Gun! Just jokin! Or maybe not?

Why not do something more rock, since you're a 'rock' guy? There's a whole assortment of good costume material there. Nikki Sixx? Angus Young? Kiss? You get the idea.

Anyway, keep on a-rockin!


Oops think I double posted

It's gotta be something with the short shorts

You should get in the back seat of Clinton's SUV and bob your head...that cracks me up every time I see it.

Cooley... please, for the love of all that is Good and Holy, do John Wayne... look, man, there is no more homo-erotic movie than Top Gun...

I mean, c'mon. Val Kilmer and the teeth snap in the locker room? The beach volleyball montage? Ugh, the douche-chills are stupendous.

It's a little trite, but how about Indiana Jones? Or Captain (Chaos) America? Hell, you dress up as a clown with a strap-on hanging off your forehead and it'd be less gay than Ice Man! ;)

Chris, I think it's hilarious that you're doing an Eastern's commercial! I don't blame you a bit, it's worth the ribbing. Good for you! Honestly, I don't like either of those characters. What about cashing in on the Indiana Jones thing? You'd look really cool in that outfit w/the whip... ;) Okay, or what about painting yourself green (or maybe Redskins maroon?) and be the Incredible Hulk? You could be the Incredible HUNK instead! Ha

I like the "Ice Man" character. If you wanted to get a bit funnier, and stick with the "cool" about throwing on a smoking jacket and a pipe and being Hef? Or poppin on a leather jacket and being the Fonz? Does it get any cooler than that?

John Wayne is cool but you are definitely right: stay away from cowboy themes.

Iceman is definitely the way to go.

You should definitely do the John Wayne cowboy look.

How about Captain America. Good for an election year.

Stay away from the cowboy nonsense.

Uh...John Wayne was a cowboy...

Ice Man. You don't want to be a cowboy. The Duke was cool, but Ice Man is more timely.

I think you should go with something original, captain chaos would be hilarious and you'd be able to do whatever you want.

Eh...try to distance yourself from all things Cowboy-ish.

Go with Ice Man!

Still like the idea from the guy who suggested "Pickle Man"! LOL

Uh, I don't see how Ice Man is timely since that movie is 22 years old!!! Most of the young people won't even get the joke. I have to agree w/someone above who said Top Gun is gay by today standards (not that there's anything wrong with that...) BUT, don't do a Cowboy theme whatever you do! Captain Chaos would be a lot better for sure.

Your character should be "the tight-end that everybody else in the league wants." character...yeah

dude, it's gotta be captain chaos... and as for the costume, all you'd need is a cape and a Zorro mask

John Wayne is a badass even if hes a cowboy BUT... it doesn't suit u. I think Capt'n Chaos w/ some short shorts would be awesome. or like one of the other posters sugested that guy from reno 911 who wears the short shorts.

Thanks Chris for the great blogs

You should be Hugh Hefner with a couple of cheerleaders on your arms and a cigar jacket... Now that'd be pimp! Although you're probably not pimp'n anymore since you're married!

oh yeah, captain chaos would definitely be a propos. But if not that, then I guess IceMan will do.

Captain Chaos, although between your two choices, I prefer Ice Man.

Ice man for sure. Thanks for the blog into your life. We (my wife and I) love it. Ice man all the way or Capt. C money. Go with your gut feeling.

John Wayne in an "Easterns" commercial... I can see him getting mad over that, he is only hip to "Westerns!"

Wow @ Eastern Motors - they really take care of you. I'd buy a car from them now.


Captain Chaos is the way to go....and if you need a portly sidekick that giggles when you poke his belly I'll be right there with ya!


Hey Chris... I think "Ice Man" is the way to go. I mean I like John Wayne and all... but I would hate to see you in anything resembling a cowboy.

BTW - Did you know that "Extreme Home Makeover" is filming in Poolsville, Maryland next week. They start on Monday 23rd and end on Sunday. It would be great to see Captian Chaos make a guest appearance and help out a great family. Good luck at training camp!

Capt. Chaos, most definitely! Put on a big CC47 T-shirt with a cape!

Captain Hot Pants. A blend of your need to wear hot pants and your alter ego, Captain Chaos.

You gotta go with ICEMAN or something else. You can't be a COWGIRL in a DC commercial.

Thanks for commenting everyone. Looks like we are getting mostly Ice Man and Capt Chaos. Guess we will have to make a poll between the two.

First off love the blog man, find myself checking it even when i should be concentrating in a meeting. Also, would love to get in on one of your poker tourneys b/c i i think i could give big 73 a run for his money. But coming from an advertiser's point of view you should def. go with "Ice Man". Way cooler and will be better understood by Eastern's target market.

yea chris you should do it in Captain Chaos since the skins fans all know you as that already. but if not then ice man. while i grew up john wyane and yes he is the man. the cowgirls fans are already thinking they are the shit right now. don't ask me why i would think they would have to WIN a play off game. but seeing you dressed up like a cowboy would only add fuel to fire.

P.S. any way we can get a portis Q&A?

Cooley-O, if you're not going to go as the 3rd down triangle and you can't implement the short shorts in some way that won't offend half of DC; you could either dress of like a crash test dummy ($17K for repairs??? How the hell fast were you going???) or, well, maybe you could borrow one of those famous Clinton Portis outfits....Go skins, Go Browns. I'm out. T

ICE MAN:That's right! Ice... man. I am dangerous

You can't score 3 TDs against the cowboys in a single game and then dress up as one.

Val Kilmer is a bad ass, Ice Man is a bad ass, and aviators are bad ass.

"I feel the need, the need for speed!"


Why not combine the bad ass with the flight jacket and go Steve McQueen style? I totally think you could pull this off. Check out the links below, hopefully they take you to some Google images from around "The Great Escape" time.


Go with the Ice man for sure. John Wayne will look too much like the cowboys, and we don't want that

"Take it from the Duke of DC, Eastern Motors is the place to be where your job is your credit." should have the cowboy outfit but stylish. have the hat, bandana around the neck and the cowboy boots stand out though.

Cooley, do a blog on what kind of things you guys do to blow off steam in between two-a-days. Is that lounge they built used a lot or do guys just drive home for a few hours and nap? Maybe this was the dumbest question of all time, I'm pretty sure it is.

Yo Chris, I got a great James Earl Jones costume from the movie Coming to america, its King Jaffe Joffer when he was wearing the lion. Trust me it will be hilarious.

Could definately pull off Sloth with your Captain Chaos shirt instead of Superman

wear a vot for pedro shirt and let it rip

Chaos. Short shorts. Cape.

'Captain Chaos... you need a Eastern's colored Superman suit with fans blowing your cape.'

I agree with twoeightnine, you definitely need to be Captain Chaos if your to do any kind of character, and suit with a cape blowing in the wind would be so awesome!

I like the whole captain chaos idea definitely don't want to look too much like a cowboy.

Whatever you do...........Don't forget to SMILE!!! :-)

I say Johnny White Guy, but if that doesn't fly, Iceman. I agree with you on the JW being badass, but I also agree on you that it's probably a bit too Cowboyish.

Johnny Wayne is the excrement but I can't cheer for a cowboy. "Ice Man" was cool but kind of a penis. How about you bring back the fro and go for "Frosuph the White Brosuph". You rock Coooooooooley!!!!

Why not Captain Chaos, that is what everyone knows you as...and seriously do you really want to be know as a cowboy? just saying

c'mon man, get rid of that ugly hat!

Chris - I'm thinking that you need to do the "Patton" image. Put on the 'ol Kevlar Helmet and Fatigues and start barking orders like Captain Chaos.
MSG K. Bittenbender

Chris- I'm thinking you should go for the "Patton" look. Throw on the 'ol kevlar helmet with a set of fatigues with a giant America Flag in the background and start barking orders like Captain Chaos.

Go for Captain Chaos, that is you.
You could dress up like Captain Cave Man. If Captain Chaos doesn't work, anything will do except for anything resembling a cowboy.

I'm with the person above! Patton! John Wayne = good if you play for the Cowboyws. Goose = you'd be wearing shades, no one would see how hot you are! I mean if you're gonna make a complete jackass out of yourself, you might as well look hot doing it, right?

I think the folks before me have nailed it. Captain Chaos rockin' the hot pants!

John Wayne is a badass, but he's a cowboy and we don't like Cowboys round these parts.

My "ni yen" from out here in Japan ...


I'd either go with Johnny White Guy, Cap't Chaos, or something to do with the shorts u wear. That would be hot!

Please, please, please! Do not do the John Wayne! It is way too Cowboy! You know how much we hate them Cowboys!

I have a problem with Iceman. First off, the image is cloudy. You could look similar to 1000 different characters. Bomber Jacket and shades, way to easy. Plus, I'm not sure how wide the audience will be to identify with a Top Gun supporting character. And, Iceman was an a$$hole in the movie. You don't deserve that bit, at all. Iceman is totally wrong for you, please review.

Now, Captain Chaos is a total unknown. It is your real nickname and would be nice for the commercial. I can forsee, Capt Chaos being lost after the commercial. So you have that to consider. With Capt Chaos, you can really create the whole image and persona of the character. I'm thinking tight gold shirt CC somewhere on chest/heart, long tight gold stockings with your burganday short shorts. Black boots and mask. But you have to go with the cool huge afro you used to have. Plus, you can make up your super powers, for example, grow hands - whenever you need to catch a ball oddly, your hands grow huge and its an easy catch, then they turn to normal size. Of course, xray vision would be nice(for the x-rated commercial showing after midnight)

One thing about capt chaos, you won't be stepping on any trademarks/patents.

I'm so looking forward to this commercial.


Fred Smoot dunks on Kenyon Martin?
What the hell is he saying?

Captain Chaos, Johnny White Guy, or Iceman or better yet be romobutter and continuously drop stuff

Um, have you seen Kilmer lately??? Nice mitts! Seriously you're better than that...Capt. Chaos!!! Love the blog

First, I'd like to say what a huge fan I am!!! You are THE MAN in my opinion! I was most excited when I stumbled across this site. Congratulations on your wedding, although I must say that I am jealous of Christy.
I agree that Captain Chaos would be perfect for the commercial. You are much too hot to pretend to be someone other than yourself! The short shorts should definitely make an appearance!! I know that no matter what you decide, it will be hilarious! Good luck! I look forward to seeing your commercial.
Thank you for letting all of us intrude into your personal life! What a treat! Go Skins! Go Cooley!!

Ha! Chris, I gotta tell ya, as much as my wife is a huge John Wayne fan, you gotta go with the ICEMAN here. That's just classic.

Looking forward to seeing you in July, I hope!


John Wayne is a bad ass. But you looking like a cowboy on tv won't really work in the Skins nation, if you know what I mean. I think you should just ask Portis I'm positive he could come up with the best thing for you, with his experience and all.

I like that guys suggestion of Tom Cruise in Risky Business. That would be awesome with the air guitar and in the cooley short shorts....classic, plus you still get to sport the old school ray bans that are back in style

I like how someone said Iceman is more timely...I think Top Gun came out in '86. Here are my thoughts:
1. Roll in on a Razor like Hansel from Zoolander (obviously with you own take) roll out in a Benz
2. Let's go more current for funny characters (Talladega Nights) and wear a Redskins or Easterns racing suit and say something like "if you don't like Chris Cooley than F@#4 you!"
3. Chuck Norris: you get to wear the cowboy hat (Redskins Logo) and tight Spandex Jeans (not because I want to see you in spandex, but because I too want to wear them but need an excuse) and probably get to throw some sweet round houses... Chuck Norris is timeless

CAPTAIN CHAOS is my vote. That sounds like the best fit for you.

Your jobs your credit, CC can buy the entire lot.

You should be Coolio from Gangster's Paradise! Either that or Sonny Crockett style with a white dinner jacket and some kind of pink or blue undershirt fresh with chest hair!

NO COWBOY. Sorry, man.

Gotta go Captain Chaos.

The yellow jersey everyone else is wearing, but with a burgundy silhouette of your 'fro head and a "CC" in the middle. Rock the hot pants and a cape.

If I were going to be a cowboy I would be Clint Eastwood, not John Wayne.Clint is way cooler than John.But forget the cowboy crap. Captain Chaos for sure!!

You should dress up in 70's gear like Matthew McConaughey's character, Wooderson, in Dazed and Confused. Your long hair would be perfect. That dude is much cooler than Iceman, though not cooler than John Wayne, that's not possible.


I can't believe this isn't more obvious. I mean dude you have the master of disguise in your locker room. I'm sure CP can help you come up with something unique.

Just a thought of my own. Since you now have a nice skin head look. What about a Detective sort of a Kojak look. I mean you're almost rocking the Telly Suvallis anyhow. You could give it a nice play with your name to make unique. Something like Coojak? I don't know just a though. I'm sure CP could hook you up though.

If I were you Chris, I'd pick John Wayne for one reason and one reason only: ass-less chaps. The ladies go wild for ass-less chaps.

DUDE! Love the Captain Chaos video. That's IT!
Red (but burgundy) and black mask, with either "CHAOS" or "CC" on the forehead
Red (but burgundy) cape
Yellow jersey with your 47
Burgundy hot pants
Black boots, maybe?

I know this is an old post, but wanted to respond because if they can treat their employees like family, I would think they would treat their customers the same. I will definitely check them out the next time we are buying a car.

Go from beginning to end, start with Native American, Cowboy and end with today "Eastern Motors will make it through the "Test of Time".

PS. Thank you for signing autographs for the kids at training camp and good luck on your Football card addition. It is nice to know that others have gone broke on trying to find a "Cooley card". We have spent alot of money trying to find your card for my son's birthday.

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