Yode's Corner: The Practical Joke

The NFL is full of pranksters and jokers (so is the MLB). Really it's men that play a serious game for a living filling in the boring times by acting like school boys and having some fun. In the 8 years I have played I have seen, experienced, and heard about some funny jokes that have been played on guys. Usually the jokes start out as simple humor but most always get escalated into elaborate retaliatory strikes that eventually will cross the line of good taste. Which leaves me to classify the pranks into three groups, the good, the bad, and the ugly.

First let us examine the good. One of the longest running and most tasteful of jokes in the NFL comes on Thanksgiving. This one is aimed mostly at rookies but sometimes you might catch one of the veterans sleeping. You have one of the coaches tell everyone that they are giving out free turkeys to the players at a local grocery store. You might add a flyer in the lockers to make it look more official. In order to catch guys in the act, a hidden video camera is set up to catch the expressions on the guy’s faces to come to the realization that there are no free turkeys. Most guys will try to deny they went to pick up their free turkey, and then the tape rolls in the team meeting to see who fell for the prank. Simple pranks also include hiding clothes, car keys, and sometimes their actual vehicle might be subject to relocation. I've seen a giant tape ball about 2 feet in diameter with a players car keys somewhere in the middle, which could take quite a long time to unravel.

Next we have the bad. These pranks involve more thought and scheming, they may come close to crossing the line. Most of the time the recipient will spend a great deal of time and effort to recover from the experience. One specific example would be when a player walked out to the parking lot to discover his vehicle on cement blocks with no wheels. To his dismay he had to then locate his tires, which he found in his locker. After wheeling all the tires back to his car, he spent the rest of the afternoon reinstalling his tires before heading home.

Another example involves altering guys clothing before road trips. In the rush to get ready to get to the airport, guys have found their dress socks with holes cut out of the toes or their shoelaces snipped so as they tie them, they pull the entire lace from the shoe. Buttons also get removed from dress shirts and ties have been cut in half and taped back together. This counts as personal property damage, which doesn't sit well with the guy that just spent $200 on a new tie. With no time to correct the problem, the player has no choice but to wear what he's got because the flight is leaving with or without him.

Now for the ugly. These can be hysterical as long as you aren't the recipient of the prank. These definitely cross the line, usually involving bodily fluids, feces, or road kill. I've witnessed feces in a bag, placed in a shoe, the bottom of a locker, and even a guy’s helmet. The player that goes to put on his helmet and finds a bag of shit on his head is not going to be a happy camper. The usage of dead animals has also found a place in the locker room. This has consisted of rats, fish, and even a possum have been placed in guy’s belongings or cars. The stench that emits is enough to make you puke once it has been discovered. This can take hours, even days before the culprit is found.

The latest in this line of pranks was the placement of someone’s car keys in an empty Gatorade bottle; the bottle was then filled with urine and frozen. Defrosting piss can be a daunting task just to recover your keys. Not to mention the psychological damage that it has incurred with the thought that every time you start your car you are touching keys that have been immersed in another man's piss.

The good, bad, and ugly are just a taste of the pranks and jokes that occur in most NFL locker rooms. During a grueling, mundane, and exhausting season of football these occurrences are a way to keep the atmosphere light and upbeat. So for all you 9 to 5'ers watch out for your co-worker in the cubicle next to you, he may have pissed on your keyboard, now go wash your hands.

Thanks again to Todd Yoder. We will continue to post as he continues to write.

Posted in: Chris Cooley, Pranks, Todd Yoder, Washington Redskins