Fatpickle: The Best Of 2009

2009 is almost in the books...are any Redskin's fans going to miss it? I flew up to VA to see my first game at FedEx field since 1998. I was able to see the Skins get blown out by Philly and Chris break his ankle...that sorta sums up 2009 for me.

There was, however, plenty of awesome and fun times here at The Cooley Zone. This website remains the coolest and most innovative athlete website on the net. No other site allows you the access that The Cooley Zone offers. Whether it be inside looks at vacations, practices or operations...Chris and Tanner deliver. And while some may take advantage of the forum to rant about play-calling, work ethic and other douche-bag thoughts...I think the majority of us know just how special this site truly is.

So I invite you to take a look back at the best of 2009 and look forward to what lies ahead in 2010. And if you missed 2008, you can even catch up with that right here.

February 23, 2009 Man O War

I love this post for several reasons. The picture of Chris and Ovie with the guy who looks like Principal Belding is priceless. Chris also references Kenny Powers a couple times and well, Kenny Powers is funny as...

March 26, 2009 Staying Dry

Nowhere in Chris's contract does it say anything about getting wet for practice...I mean what are talking about...practice? It's raining outside and Chris needs to stay dry, so he turns to Redskin's blogger Matt Terl, who proves he's multi talented.

March 23, 2009 Dear Dennis

One thing the Cooley brothers are truly awesome at...pissing off entire cities, states and regions. Pittsburgh, Philly, Dallas, Boston and in this case Cleveland. Chris shares some his "fan" mail that he received after he posted his thoughts on the Cleveland/Denver trade rumors. The great thing about Chris and Tanner taking on these angry individuals is that it brings out the best in their blogging abilities. Case in point, Chris's letter to Dennis...and Tanner's recap of his Randy Moss encounter.

March 16, 2009 My New Boat

Bass Pro Shops Hat...$20...new rod, reel & lures...$500...new Bass Tracker boat...$18,000...watching Chris try and operate said boat...you got it...priceless! I just watched this again and laughed, 2 months later Chris posted a picture of his first catch, a 2" bluegill. BTW, I'm not sure how much Chris paid for the boat or the equipment...but I do know that was an expensive bluegill! And no, that boat is not made to bump into rocks.

April 29, 2009 The Chainsaw Massacre

Do you know when you've reached the pinnacle of blogging glory? I'll tell you...when you are able to incorporate ticks on your sack and "sizable load of wood" in the same post. Besides those 2 gems, this is the story of how a tree kicked a man's ass...now that's entertainment!

May 5, 2009 Chainsaw Massacre Part II

It's merely a flesh wound. Too bad Colt tore his labrum filming this...the season may have turned out different. Haha

June 20, 2009 Wyoming Drive Day 2

Big Ben, Parliament. Chris is multi-talented...he can eat, drive, film, sing and narrate at the same time. The Ho Chunk doesn't allow dogs? The place is named after a fat hooker. Day 1. Day 3.

July 10, 2009 The Pottery Experience Part I

Out 1st introduction to Chris's new obsession...and I have 2 things to say about this. #1 At the 1:45 mark of the video Chris has made the most awesome double D clay boob of all-time. Go ahead...watch the video and tell me I'm wrong. #2 If Chris would make a clay double D boob, sign it and sell it on Ebay...a lot of money would be generated for charity. Yes, I notice and think of things like this...this is what you get when you let some guy named Fatpickle guest blog on your site. At the very least one of those punched in clay debacles should be signed and sold on Ebay...that's $$ major bucks as well. Just sayin'.

August 24, 2009 A Bee Movie

It's not the best of anything...until you get Yoder, Motley Crue and Skid Row T's involved.

May 7, 2009 Chris's Acting Debut

Chris...line 1, it's officer Poncherello calling...he wants his uniform back. On a serious note, Ghosts Don't Exist is going to be bad-ass, you can see the trailer here.

December 3, 2009 A Special Invite

Anyone else notice that since this invite was posted, Chris has been awfully quiet and Tiger hasn't been seen in public? Are they playing the back 9 at Raspberry Falls?

See ya next year!

Cheers and Hail

My Pro Bowl Top 19

I learned a lot of fun new things this last week in Hawaii.  Here are some quick observations.

1. Even though Jason Witten plays for the Cowboys and I still can't stand to see him catch the ball, he is pretty fun to hang out with.
   
2. Karaoke only gets better when Dixieland Delight comes on, and I know this may sound a little weird but, but it really gets better when Whitney Houston's - I wanna dance with somebody is playing.
   
3. Remember the time when salt got  rubbed in our nose before the shot of tequila and then after, some lime got squirted in our eye.  That was crazy.  I mean it definitely wasn't me doing that, but I learned how it could be done.
   
4. Don't give any football players your room number at the JW Marriott. It's really not that hard to anonymously charge to rooms. 1709 Jared Allen.
   
5. Wes Welker is awesome.
   
6. I can hit the absolute piss out of the new Taylormade Driver.
   
7. Colt Brennan is the Tom Brady of Hawaii.
   
8. Do not watch that new movie with Dustin Hoffman. The one where his daughter doesn't want him to walk her down the isle. Do not!
   
9. Don't try to rent a scooter without a drivers licence.  It wont happen because the scooter shop could get closed down. If you try to give a fake licence make sure that you do it before you tell the guy that you didn't bring your licence, it's more believable that way.
   
10. I really wouldn't recommend the prostitutes in Waikiki. Although there are many, I wouldn't plan my trip around it. (Just a quick observation here, by no means can I justify by experience)
    
11. Doing football things every day in Hawaii sucks. Yea, yea, that's why were there but, waking up at 7 and 8 every day for practice or pictures or meetings is stupid. Have a two-a-day on the first day, then meet the day before the game and get it over with. I would rather pay for a va-cay than work for it. (I know, I'm a baby)
    
12. I know that Jason Mraz song is pretty popular here, but let's talk about playing the shit out of a song.
    
13. I'm ecstatic that I don't have to play special teams in a Redskins uniform.  I don't know how closely anyone watched my missed tackle debacle, but apparently I need some practice wrapping someone up. Practice I don't want.
    
14. A bagel, some fruit and a picture of coffee costs 47 dollars when you order it to your room.  Seem like kind of a lot.  Best plain bagels in the world though so, I guess your gotta pay!
    
15. Who wouldn't have a glass container constantly filled with pineapple pieces and Patron?
    
16. Definitely watch Zach and Miri make a porno.  Please respond to the double dutch rutter.
    
17. NFL players don't really like to do interviews conducted by other NFL players.  I tried and was embarrassed nearly every time.  "Please Payton, just one more question."  Also, I'm no George Michael.
    
18. Winning an extra 20 thousand bucks in the game is a good plan.  Even though the trip is paid for, it's not even close to free.
    
19. Hey Jared "143, 447."
    

Fatpickle: Top 10 of 2008

"Hello everyone. We are in the progress of starting a new and innovative type of player/fan interaction. This is the beginning of something great. So stay tuned because this blog will be updated regularly." Chris Cooley March 13, 2008.

This is a quote from the first Cooley Zone post ever, and I'd have to say that Chris and Tanner accomplished that and a whole lot more. Nearly 9 months and over 2 million visitors later, it's time to take a look back at the year that was in the land of Cooley. This is the Cooley Zone's Top 10 Blog Posts for 2008. Some of you reading this are newer to the blog and may have missed some of the earlier moments. I invite you to click on the links and enjoy some of the moments that you may have missed. Some of you have been around since Day 1. I invite you to take a stroll down memory lane, maybe take a look at the comments that you have posted. Without further adieu, the Top 10.

#10 A blog is born. March 13, 2008 The start of something new

The first blog ever, without this one we don't have a Top 10. Over the course of the NFL season thousands of "fans" take this opportunity to tell Chris and the rest of the Redskins organization how to play and coach football. All kinds of advice on gameplanning, preparation, and playcalling. I mean this is a fan/athlete interaction website, right? I think it's in the Wednesday team meeting when the team reviews the comments from this website and make the appropriate changes.

#9 NFL Players are not good at Fantasy Football. Sept 3, 2008 Fantasy Football 2008

Chris lets us inside his fantasy football draft with his teammates. After Campbell drafts Chris, Chris tells him "all you have to do is throw TD's to me and you win." Jason proceeds to ignore Cooley in the Redzone for the entire year.

#8 Chris is getting married and his wife is hot! May 21, 2008 Redskins Cheerleader Turns Redskin Wife

This one is for you guys. Chris tells us how awesome his future wife is, then confirms it by taking pictures of her in her panties, lying in a bed of panties. Go ahead and click on the link

 and go sniffing around.

#7 Do you wear your Cooley jersey while watching the game? While at work or while sleeping? So does Chris! Dec 1, 2008 Football All Day

Chris and Tanner take a comical look at all the haters who think Chris is not devoting enough time to football.

#6 I'm just a common man, drive a common van! June 25, 2008 Taking out the Trash

Chris shows us that even though he's a millionaire athlete, he's just like us. Well.. not really. Most of us enjoy trash service and hi speed internet. Chris lives in a place where he has neither. Nicer, simpler times....Mayberry? Are you living in a Rascal Flatts song?

#5 I expected the Rocky Mountains to be a little rockier than this! July 5, 2008 Feels Good to Feel Good

The Cooley's let us into their summer vacation. We find out that both of these computer geeks have hot wives, Wyoming is beautiful, and family is important. "Be free" and "Feels good to feel good" become T-shirt slogans.

#4 We miss you Vladimir! Sept 25, 2008 Vladimir on Redskins/Cowboys

As quickly as he came into our lives, he left. He was just hitting his stride. Check out Vladimir's posts in the month of October. Wowa wee waa!

#3 Why does every swinging dick in Northern VA, DC, and MD have a horrible beard? July 15, 2008 Beard Growing Contest

Thousands of guys walk around with peach fuzz on their face thinking they can win this contest. Wives and girlfriends are turned on for a few days, then appalled for the next month at their man's scruff. Chris Cooley realizes he has superpowers.

#2 All-Pro Football Player, All-State Wrestler? Cooley taps out to Onstar. Aug 13, 2008 Chris vs. OnStar

Well what do you expect if you don't have high speed Internet and you still drive to the landfill? Your probably confused when your truck talks to you!

#1 America's Most Wanted. Wed Aug 27, 2008 Theft of a Tomahawk

Everything comes full circle. Chief Z, the face of Redskin's fans for 30 years had his tomahawk stolen. Within hours the Cooley's had it back. The past meets the present. Just one of the many good deeds and acts of charity that has come from this website.

Bonus Posts - I can't link you to these 2 posts, because they have been deleted. You were either fortunate, or unfortunate to see them.

Chris opens up the Playbook to show us his 4th and inches play.

Chris gets a little ahead of himself and plays a game of "where's Waldo" on the blog. Tanner goes into spin control and late night talk show hosts and amateur bloggers have endless joke material. Google + Chris Cooley is never the same.

Frank Caliendo has nothing on Jordan Palmer.

This video was awesome! In a rookie hazing, Palmer must conduct a team meeting doing an imitation of Coach Gibbs, and he nails it! He masters the mannerisms and Joe Gibb's "quotes", plus throws in funny ass jokes. When Gibbs comes to the podium to conduct the actual meeting, it only got funnier. Alas this post was taken down hours after posting.

I can't remember how I stumbled upon this site? It was probably a late night of boozing which results in Google, IMDB, and Wikipedia searches. I do know why I come back, it's great entertainment! From the Cooley Family to the "general public" who post funny and witty comments. You never know what you are going to find here and that's what makes it so great. A beard contest, a hot chick contest, a WTF..... is that what I think it is?

I look forward to what 2009 brings and wish everyone who reads this the best this holiday season and the best of luck in the new year.

Cheers and Hail