Fatpickle: Sheriff Cooley

I'd recognize that tallywhacker anywhere, it's Cooley poking thru again!

When I first heard that Chris was up for the part of the Sheriff in Ghosts Don't Exist, my immediate thought was of Alex Karras in Porky's. Karras was an ex-NFL player who parlayed his NFL career into 20+ years of acting, a Monday Night Football gig, plus a few years as a professional wrestler. He played the role of the crooked Sheriff in Porky's (the original American Pie.)

So while Chris may not think he's great in front of the camera and may not have big aspirations for his one line in a movie, I would remind him that Karras got his start by grunting a line or two in Blazing Saddles. "Mongo straight, Mongo like candy." In fact, if they ever remake Blazing Saddles Chris should read for Mongo, he'd be awesome. And if that role led to a remake of Webster with CC in the dad's role, well then that would be priceless.

On to the wrestling. We all know CC won a State championship as a high school wrestler, so faking a few moves in the squared circle should be gravy. He might want to go legit and do a little MMA action (Michael Westbrook needs better competition), but I recommend the WWE. Vladimir would make a great manager!

So, now it's time for you to get involved. Answer these 2 questions in the comment section.

If you could remake a movie, what roles would you put Chris in?

My picks: Mongo from Blazing Saddles, Irwin "Fletch" Fletcher, and Oger from Revenge of the Nerds.

If CC was a professional wrestler, what would you name him? (Capt. Chaos we all know)

My picks: Crouching Tiger Hidden Cooley, The Sharter (the finishing move is brutal,) The Leesburg Joker

We will review your comments for the best roles and names for the next 5 days. The winners will receive:

1st place = 8 x 10 autographed photo of Fatpickle

2nd place = 8 x10 autographed photo of Vladimir

3rd place = something signed by CC via Fatpickle

Cheers and Hail

Fatpickle: The NFL Hall Of Fame System Is Flawed

I was at a Super Bowl party at a friend's house back in Feb. 2004. Joe Jacoby was at the party, and I kinda know Joe from being in the same line of business. So I'm saddled up next to him at the buffet line when I strike up a conversation.

Fatpickle: "Our boy Art got F'd again, huh?"

Joe Jacoby (all 6 foot 6 inches of him, glares down at me and says):

"He's not the only one."

I quietly grabbed a few more bacon wrapped scallops and retreated to a happy place. And I realized, yeah, he's not the only one. The Redskins had a dynasty from 1982-1991, and until last year only one player was in the Hall of Fame? How about Jacoby, Mosely, Grimm, Bostic, Clark, Mann, and Manley. The HOF system is flawed!
How else can Art Monk be denied 7 times? I don't need to get into the reasons why Art should have been a first ballot Hall of Famer, anyone who knows anything about football would have voted him in first ballot. The ultimate slap in the face was voting Michael Irvin into the Hall before Monk. I guess when considering a Wide Receiver, pushing off gives you extra points? Is there a special wing in the Hall for offensive pass interference?

The Hall of Fame balloting is like some super secret club. Secret ballots, secret meetings. This much we do know, the wizards behind the curtain are Peter King and Dr. Z. They single handily kept Monk out of the Hall all those years. And with all due respect to Dr. Z, who is recovering from a series of strokes (get well soon), these guys piss me off to no end. What we have is a bunch of sportswriters who have never played football, who are voting players in or out. So, if you blew off Peter King a couple times for an interview 10 years ago, it's probably going to come back to F you in the long run. However, if you text him inside info, or grab a bite to eat with him, your getting in the Hall. And since I've got a sports blog, why can't I vote? Chris, your good to go since you granted me this interview. If you had blown me off, LJ Smith would be in the Hall before you are!

All of that brings me to Russ Grimm, Mr. Hog. Russ is the one thing left this year for Redskin's fans to cheer for. He's a finalist for the Hall of Fame for the 5th consecutive season. He's also a coach for the Arizona Cardinals, and is a candidate for head coaching positions. He could possibly have the greatest week of his life next week. Hall of Fame on Saturday, Super Bowl win on Sunday, Head Coach on Monday. I'm pulling for you Russ.

Here's my choices for the NFL Hall of Fame 2009

Shannon Sharpe - He retired with every TE record you could have. That didn't mean anything for Art Monk, but I hope it does for Shannon. I'm assuming he was one of Chris's idols?

Bruce Smith - One of the greatest of all-time. Not so much with the Redskins.

Rod Woodson - Simply one of the best ever at the Cornerback position. Also a game changer on special teams.

Chris Carter - Now that Art is in, you can put Carter in. All he does is catch touchdowns. Nope, if he did, he'd have over 1,100!

Russ Grimm - 4 time All-Pro and Pro Bowler, 3 Super Bowl rings. The best offensive lineman for the most well-known offensive line in NFL history. Mr. Hog

FYI to all fans out there. Thru their first 5 seasons, CC has 64 more catches, 1,291 more yards, and 11 more TD's than Shannon Sharpe. And I just voted Sharpe first ballot Hall of Famer! It's not too early for one of you fine readers out their to start a Chris Cooley for Hall of Fame website. You could be the one to start it, godaddy.

Cheers and Hail

Fatpickle: Sheriff Cooley Winners And IMDB Challenge

Thanks to everyone who participated in the "Sheriff Cooley" contest, it was an awesome response and there were a lot of great ideas. One of the coolest things about blogging is the interaction and thoughts that are spurred from each post. For instance, we have learned that taking a picture of your private parts results in about a million hits and late night talk show monologues. Talking derogatory about a rival hockey player results in the steel city breaking bad on you personally, and some of the worst photoshopping I've ever seen. (Some dude actually looked up gay porn for the one picture, how'd he even know where to find it?)

That being said, the "sheriff" posts didn't cause that kind of riot. It did however cause some serious movement on the IMDB Starmeters for those involved. The Starmeter ranks every actor listed on IMDB, based upon the searches for them on the site. Here is the effect that you guys had on the participants of the post in the week that the post came out.

Alex Karras moved from # 7,597(I was surprised he was that high) to #3,203

Chris Cooley moved from #246,368 to #165,712 (surging past Flo, the waitress from Dumb and Dumber)

Tanner Cooley moved from #1,015,929 to #358,918 (surging past Art Monk, who could forget his role in Jerry Maguire, "nice game Rod")

I think we are better than this, so I'm challenging you to go to work on IMDB, searching Alex, Chris, and Tanner and moving them up the Hollywood ladder. Here are the goals I've set for us to reach in the next week (help us baby Jesus, help us Tom Cruise, help us Maxim.com!)

Alex #1899 - 1 spot above Eugene Levy

Chris #29,967 - 1 spot above Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake

Tanner # 69,569 - 1 spot above legendary Sportscaster George Michael (who could forget him in Silence of the Lambs, I sure haven't and I remind him whenever I see him.)

Here are the winners from the contest. You can claim your prize by venturing over to my site http://www.fatpickled.com/, bookmark it to your favorites, then email me.

1st place - And winner of a signed 8x10 of Fatpickle is...Randow who came up with the combination of Pat (from It's Pat) and Gridiron.


2nd place - And winner of a signed 8x10 of Vladimir is...Xstatic4beer who not only has an awesome handle, but also gave us Uncle Buck and Big Wig.

3rd place - And the winner of a signed 8x10 of the man currently over 150,000 spots behind Paula Deen on the Starmeter(in his defense she can do things with a green bean that is heaven) is...Tony Corsini who brought us Spicoli and The Helmet Knocker.

Congrats to all, there was some really good ones and it was a difficult choice.

I'll be back sometime next week to reveal how we did in the IMDB challenge, and to talk about Redskins fans just like you and I (well kind of.)

Cheers and Hail

Fatpickle: The Best Of 2009

2009 is almost in the books...are any Redskin's fans going to miss it? I flew up to VA to see my first game at FedEx field since 1998. I was able to see the Skins get blown out by Philly and Chris break his ankle...that sorta sums up 2009 for me.

There was, however, plenty of awesome and fun times here at The Cooley Zone. This website remains the coolest and most innovative athlete website on the net. No other site allows you the access that The Cooley Zone offers. Whether it be inside looks at vacations, practices or operations...Chris and Tanner deliver. And while some may take advantage of the forum to rant about play-calling, work ethic and other douche-bag thoughts...I think the majority of us know just how special this site truly is.

So I invite you to take a look back at the best of 2009 and look forward to what lies ahead in 2010. And if you missed 2008, you can even catch up with that right here.

February 23, 2009 Man O War

I love this post for several reasons. The picture of Chris and Ovie with the guy who looks like Principal Belding is priceless. Chris also references Kenny Powers a couple times and well, Kenny Powers is funny as...

March 26, 2009 Staying Dry

Nowhere in Chris's contract does it say anything about getting wet for practice...I mean what are talking about...practice? It's raining outside and Chris needs to stay dry, so he turns to Redskin's blogger Matt Terl, who proves he's multi talented.

March 23, 2009 Dear Dennis

One thing the Cooley brothers are truly awesome at...pissing off entire cities, states and regions. Pittsburgh, Philly, Dallas, Boston and in this case Cleveland. Chris shares some his "fan" mail that he received after he posted his thoughts on the Cleveland/Denver trade rumors. The great thing about Chris and Tanner taking on these angry individuals is that it brings out the best in their blogging abilities. Case in point, Chris's letter to Dennis...and Tanner's recap of his Randy Moss encounter.

March 16, 2009 My New Boat

Bass Pro Shops Hat...$20...new rod, reel & lures...$500...new Bass Tracker boat...$18,000...watching Chris try and operate said boat...you got it...priceless! I just watched this again and laughed, 2 months later Chris posted a picture of his first catch, a 2" bluegill. BTW, I'm not sure how much Chris paid for the boat or the equipment...but I do know that was an expensive bluegill! And no, that boat is not made to bump into rocks.

April 29, 2009 The Chainsaw Massacre

Do you know when you've reached the pinnacle of blogging glory? I'll tell you...when you are able to incorporate ticks on your sack and "sizable load of wood" in the same post. Besides those 2 gems, this is the story of how a tree kicked a man's ass...now that's entertainment!

May 5, 2009 Chainsaw Massacre Part II

It's merely a flesh wound. Too bad Colt tore his labrum filming this...the season may have turned out different. Haha

June 20, 2009 Wyoming Drive Day 2

Big Ben, Parliament. Chris is multi-talented...he can eat, drive, film, sing and narrate at the same time. The Ho Chunk doesn't allow dogs? The place is named after a fat hooker. Day 1. Day 3.

July 10, 2009 The Pottery Experience Part I

Out 1st introduction to Chris's new obsession...and I have 2 things to say about this. #1 At the 1:45 mark of the video Chris has made the most awesome double D clay boob of all-time. Go ahead...watch the video and tell me I'm wrong. #2 If Chris would make a clay double D boob, sign it and sell it on Ebay...a lot of money would be generated for charity. Yes, I notice and think of things like this...this is what you get when you let some guy named Fatpickle guest blog on your site. At the very least one of those punched in clay debacles should be signed and sold on Ebay...that's $$ major bucks as well. Just sayin'.

August 24, 2009 A Bee Movie

It's not the best of anything...until you get Yoder, Motley Crue and Skid Row T's involved.

May 7, 2009 Chris's Acting Debut

Chris...line 1, it's officer Poncherello calling...he wants his uniform back. On a serious note, Ghosts Don't Exist is going to be bad-ass, you can see the trailer here.

December 3, 2009 A Special Invite

Anyone else notice that since this invite was posted, Chris has been awfully quiet and Tiger hasn't been seen in public? Are they playing the back 9 at Raspberry Falls?

See ya next year!

Cheers and Hail

Fatpickle: Cooley's Last Pro Bowl...I Hope So?

I mean that in a positive way.

You see, starting next season the Pro Bowl will be held the week before the Super Bowl. Moving forward, the participants in the Super Bowl will not be allowed to play in the Pro Bowl. So, while I'm sure CC will be elected to the next 6 or 7 Pro Bowls, my hope is that he will be busy preparing for the Super Bowl, thus making him unavailable to play in the actual game.

And from Chris and Christy's point of view, how much will they miss the Pro Bowl? I'm guessing little, at best. The Pro Bowl is also moving from Hawaii to the Super Bowl host city. So while the words,

"Christy, pack your bags we're headed to Hawaii," sounds like an awesome time...


"Christy, pack your bags we're headed to Indianapolis," just doesn't have the same ring.

The decision to move the Pro Bowl only makes $ense to the NFL. Get the players and fans into the NFL host city ASAP to start spending money. Never mind that the 2 teams in the Super Bowl usually have the most Pro Bowlers (Arizona and Pittsburgh have 7 starters in this years Pro Bowl.)

The truth of the matter is this, little to zero NFL fans watch, nor care about the Pro Bowl. It's an exhibition game equivalent to pre-season. So until the NFL can find a way to make the game significant in some fashion (any ideas?) keep it in Hawaii.

I'm sure the players enjoy the time they spend in Hawaii, and it's a nice vacation for them and their wives. The Pro Bowl has been in Hawaii for over 30 years, why change it now? Let the players heal their bodies after the season, then "hang loose" for a week with their families and friends. They certainly deserve it.

Cheers and Hail

Fatpickle and Cowboy Dan: Cooley's Rally For The Cure

I just purchased 2 tickets for the Cooley's Rally for the Cure. Unfortunately, my wife and I will not be able to attend. Truth be told, we never had any intentions of attending and I really don't have the extra $100 to spend right now. But the tickets were never intended for us...I bought the tickets for 2 other special people who also will not be able to attend, my grandmothers.

My father's mom Louise died of breast cancer at the age of 32. My father was only 8years old. Obviously, I never had a chance to meet Louise. This much I do know, she was a beautiful woman who produced my hero, my father. If you live in a great big house in Chantilly, you may even live on Louise avenue. This street is named after my grandmother. I wish I would have gotten the chance to know her.

My mom's mom Margaret (Maggy to friends, Nanny to me) died of kidney cancer at the age of 73. She was awesome, I miss her every day. Although she lived a long and full life of fun and laughter, she left us within days of her diagnosis. Much too quick. One of my Nanny's favorite sayings was "do me this favor and I'll dance at your wedding." She did dance at my wedding, but it was only with me and no one saw it. She was a huge Redskins fan, friends with John Riggins, and once owned a bar in Herndon that the Redskins frequented. She also cut the most glorious fart I have ever heard in my life (this post can't be all sappy with no humor.) I'm not kidding, Yoder couldn't hold a candle to this fart (and if he did, it would have blown him to Arlington.) 2 bucks Nanny, 2 bucks.

My wife recently lost her grandmother Rita after a long battle with lung cancer. My father recently had skin cancer. It doesn't stop there, and my family is no different than yours. We've all been affected by this horrible disease. I'm sure each one of you reading this has a story to tell, maybe even more tragic. Cancer has no prejudices, it attacks the young and old, the rich and poor, the black and the white. This is why we all need to do something about it. I know we will find a cure for this disease in my lifetime, I know it. In the meantime, thousands of folks like Nancy Cooley are busy kicking cancer's ASS!!!

The economy sucks...you don't have to remind me, I'm in the auto business! But, maybe you can find a way to buy a ticket (either for yourself or in spirit) and hang out with the Cooleys to celebrate, remember, and fight back.

And if you attend the rally do me a favor, raise a glass to Louise and Maggy...if you do I'll dance at your wedding.

Cheers and Hail


Cowboy Dan: Fight against Cancer

In 2007 my wife Ariana, lost both of her parents to cancer. Her mother, Alice, lost her battle with Lymphoma in February after fighting for five years. Her father, Paul, passed away from Small Cell Lung cancer only four months later. We lost a good family friend, and life long Redskins fan Jess Parks, just this past month to lung cancer as well. God willing we have several friends, including Chris’ mother, still in our lives who are survivors. Cancer is a ruthless disease that has affected so many of our lives. For those of you who have been affected by cancer know how important research and development is towards finding a cure. I want to encourage all of you who are reading this to join the battle against cancer and donate money to this foundation. Chris’ website reaches many fans across the world. Whether or not you are a Redsk ins fan, any amount o f help you can provide will be going towards a great cause and will ultimately make a huge difference.

Fatpickle: Top 10 of 2008

"Hello everyone. We are in the progress of starting a new and innovative type of player/fan interaction. This is the beginning of something great. So stay tuned because this blog will be updated regularly." Chris Cooley March 13, 2008.

This is a quote from the first Cooley Zone post ever, and I'd have to say that Chris and Tanner accomplished that and a whole lot more. Nearly 9 months and over 2 million visitors later, it's time to take a look back at the year that was in the land of Cooley. This is the Cooley Zone's Top 10 Blog Posts for 2008. Some of you reading this are newer to the blog and may have missed some of the earlier moments. I invite you to click on the links and enjoy some of the moments that you may have missed. Some of you have been around since Day 1. I invite you to take a stroll down memory lane, maybe take a look at the comments that you have posted. Without further adieu, the Top 10.

#10 A blog is born. March 13, 2008 The start of something new

The first blog ever, without this one we don't have a Top 10. Over the course of the NFL season thousands of "fans" take this opportunity to tell Chris and the rest of the Redskins organization how to play and coach football. All kinds of advice on gameplanning, preparation, and playcalling. I mean this is a fan/athlete interaction website, right? I think it's in the Wednesday team meeting when the team reviews the comments from this website and make the appropriate changes.

#9 NFL Players are not good at Fantasy Football. Sept 3, 2008 Fantasy Football 2008

Chris lets us inside his fantasy football draft with his teammates. After Campbell drafts Chris, Chris tells him "all you have to do is throw TD's to me and you win." Jason proceeds to ignore Cooley in the Redzone for the entire year.

#8 Chris is getting married and his wife is hot! May 21, 2008 Redskins Cheerleader Turns Redskin Wife

This one is for you guys. Chris tells us how awesome his future wife is, then confirms it by taking pictures of her in her panties, lying in a bed of panties. Go ahead and click on the link

 and go sniffing around.

#7 Do you wear your Cooley jersey while watching the game? While at work or while sleeping? So does Chris! Dec 1, 2008 Football All Day

Chris and Tanner take a comical look at all the haters who think Chris is not devoting enough time to football.

#6 I'm just a common man, drive a common van! June 25, 2008 Taking out the Trash

Chris shows us that even though he's a millionaire athlete, he's just like us. Well.. not really. Most of us enjoy trash service and hi speed internet. Chris lives in a place where he has neither. Nicer, simpler times....Mayberry? Are you living in a Rascal Flatts song?

#5 I expected the Rocky Mountains to be a little rockier than this! July 5, 2008 Feels Good to Feel Good

The Cooley's let us into their summer vacation. We find out that both of these computer geeks have hot wives, Wyoming is beautiful, and family is important. "Be free" and "Feels good to feel good" become T-shirt slogans.

#4 We miss you Vladimir! Sept 25, 2008 Vladimir on Redskins/Cowboys

As quickly as he came into our lives, he left. He was just hitting his stride. Check out Vladimir's posts in the month of October. Wowa wee waa!

#3 Why does every swinging dick in Northern VA, DC, and MD have a horrible beard? July 15, 2008 Beard Growing Contest

Thousands of guys walk around with peach fuzz on their face thinking they can win this contest. Wives and girlfriends are turned on for a few days, then appalled for the next month at their man's scruff. Chris Cooley realizes he has superpowers.

#2 All-Pro Football Player, All-State Wrestler? Cooley taps out to Onstar. Aug 13, 2008 Chris vs. OnStar

Well what do you expect if you don't have high speed Internet and you still drive to the landfill? Your probably confused when your truck talks to you!

#1 America's Most Wanted. Wed Aug 27, 2008 Theft of a Tomahawk

Everything comes full circle. Chief Z, the face of Redskin's fans for 30 years had his tomahawk stolen. Within hours the Cooley's had it back. The past meets the present. Just one of the many good deeds and acts of charity that has come from this website.

Bonus Posts - I can't link you to these 2 posts, because they have been deleted. You were either fortunate, or unfortunate to see them.

Chris opens up the Playbook to show us his 4th and inches play.

Chris gets a little ahead of himself and plays a game of "where's Waldo" on the blog. Tanner goes into spin control and late night talk show hosts and amateur bloggers have endless joke material. Google + Chris Cooley is never the same.

Frank Caliendo has nothing on Jordan Palmer.

This video was awesome! In a rookie hazing, Palmer must conduct a team meeting doing an imitation of Coach Gibbs, and he nails it! He masters the mannerisms and Joe Gibb's "quotes", plus throws in funny ass jokes. When Gibbs comes to the podium to conduct the actual meeting, it only got funnier. Alas this post was taken down hours after posting.

I can't remember how I stumbled upon this site? It was probably a late night of boozing which results in Google, IMDB, and Wikipedia searches. I do know why I come back, it's great entertainment! From the Cooley Family to the "general public" who post funny and witty comments. You never know what you are going to find here and that's what makes it so great. A beard contest, a hot chick contest, a WTF..... is that what I think it is?

I look forward to what 2009 brings and wish everyone who reads this the best this holiday season and the best of luck in the new year.

Cheers and Hail

Fatpickle: The Redskins...What's In A Name?

Thanks to a court ruling last week, I'm still a fan of the Washington Redskins. Not the Washington Presidents, or the Wasington Johnny Rockets, or some other name that I could never imagine.I (like most of you) have spent a lifetime bleeding burgundy and gold, singing the words "braves on the warpath" and rooting for my Skins. I've never once in my 30 years as a fan thought of the name "Redskins" as being offensive or racist. I've never heard nor said an off color or racist remark about the name. I've never heard one of the 90,000 drunken fans at Fedex field say anything derogatory about the name...even when the Redskins have a sucky day or a bad loss. In fact, I am proud of the name, proud of the team, and proud of the history and heritage of Native Americans. But who am I too voice my opinion? I'm just an ordinary white guy who can't jump and can't dance (especially when I think I can dance, usually around beer 8 or 9).

Well, I happen to be a part of a large group of people that believe that the Washington Redskins are a tribute to Native Americans. That group of people happens to include the Native Americans themselves. Yes that's right, 90% of American Indians do not find the term "Redskins" offensive in any way. Lets stop and think about this for a minute. Do you think 80 years ago the Redskins chose their team name to personally offend an entire race? Is that really how team names are chosen? No, they are chosen as a tribute to something. And without those teams that honor the American Indian, how often would we be reminded of our Native American history? I think that the people that bring on these lawsuits are only interested in what the root of all lawsuits boil down to...$money$ and notoriety.

I've been a fan of many of the names that have graced the backs of the jersey's. Monk, Riggins, Green, and Cooley to name a few. But, the names on the back of the jersey's change quite often. However, the Redskins name and the burgundy and gold is a lifetime relationship for me (and for you). Rooting for another team, or even the same team with a different name just wouldn't be right. I have to give Dan Snyder props for fighting in court and spending loads of cash to keep the tradition and history of the Redskins in tact.So hip, hip, hooray to Chief Zee, that guy on the side of the helmets, and the Indians getting to mix it up twice a year with those Cowboys. And if you find that offensive, spend the day surfing the Internet...I think there's a lot worse things you could focus on.Cheers and Hail

Fatpickle: Football Makes Everything Better

It’s the most wonderful time of the year…well, maybe not for the 2,500 NFL players that are reporting to training camp this week. For the next 3 weeks they’re going to be sweating their sacks off in two a day practices. Knocking the shit out of each other, sitting in endless meetings and soaking achy muscles in ice tubs. How do they do that anyway? Just the thought of lowering my boys into ice…not worried about shrinkage…worried about disappearance! Anyway, I’m happier than a puppy with 2 peters because the beginning of training camp means that the 2009 NFL season is upon us and football just makes everything better! Yes, it actually improves quality of life. Sound silly? It’s not; I’ll prove it to you.

10 things football makes better.

#10 – Food – I’m trying to figure out how to lose 10 lbs before the start of the season because I know I’m going to put on 15 during the season! Wings, chips, pizza and dips all taste better during football season. I think Velveeta was invented specifically for the NFL season. It gives us all a reason to eat bad foods because that’s what you do during football games. It just is.

#9 – Sports Blogs – Let’s face it, without football, blogs kind of suck. How much baseball can we talk about? How many top 10 lists can we make up? Bloggers need coaches like Dennis Green and Jim Mora going berserk, that’s good material. Bloggers need bad play calling and underachieving draft picks. And let’s face it; you want to come here to see Cooley talking about the Cowboys, not Fatpickle talking about cheese.

#8 – Sundays – Sunday, the day for rest and relaxation. NOT! There should be nothing relaxing about Sunday. Sundays are for getting nervous, excited and pissed at the Redskins…sometimes all at the same time! So forget about reading the Sunday paper in the lazy boy and watching Tom Watson play golf. It’s so much more fun figuring out how you’re going to pay your bookie because Eli Manning threw a pick 6 in the last minute. It was a sure thing the Giants were going to beat the Bengals.

#7 – Sports Talk Radio- Similar to the bloggers, the radio personalities need some material. How long can they talk about the Orioles and Nats losing? What they need is someone to shoot themselves in the leg, they need an owner having dinner with Shanahan, they can run with that. They need the guy calling in who just lost $500 on the Eli Manning play, that’s good radio.

#6 – Beer – Beer is better during the NFL season …oh who am I kidding? Beer is good all year long; the NFL season does nothing to make it better. But, when the Redskins lose, beer helps…temporarily.

#5 – Tailgating- Unless you’ve been to a Kenny Chesney or Jimmy Buffet concert this summer, you probably haven’t tailgated in awhile. Football gives us a reason to do so. Football gives us a reason for more food, Jell-O shooters, tossing the football around and cornhole. Good times with family, friends and strangers. And if you are tailgating, it sounds like Mama Cooley has the right game plan to follow.

#4 – Personal Relationships – From February to July I talk once or twice a month with some of the people that mean the most to me, but come football season, we may talk once or twice a day. We are always emailing, texting or phoning each other to talk about the games and events of the week. Football brings us closer for 6 months a year and I’m thankful for that.

#3- TV Viewing – summertime is the worst for TV, but that will end soon. We now have the NFL channel, the Sunday Ticket and TIVO working for us. We can watch an entire replay of the game in 60 minutes, anytime we want! No more reruns of the New Adventures Of Old Christine, we got choices!

#2 – Hope and Optimism – There is nothing I want to see more than a parade in Washington D.C for the Super Bowl Champion Washington Redskins. As the season starts I feel like that can happen. I see Cooley on the left and Portis on the right, Obama in the middle. I see it. I’m happy. When I finish this post I’m checking flights to Miami. I’m drinking the Kool Aid; I’ve got my Nikes on.

#1 – Fantasy Football – Is there anything better than Fantasy Football? Most of you are probably working on your cheat sheets and sleeper picks already. The drafts (more fun, food and booze) are so much fun. In late August I will travel back to VA for my league’s 12th annual fantasy draft. 12 years ago we were single college aged guys with no wives or kids. We return this year, most of us married, and we now have 12 kids among us. We’re still kids, just with more chins. We come from Florida, we come from Ohio, it doesn’t matter…football keeps us together. And I (the 22 Swinging Dicks) am going to kick some ass this year.Now after all that, I have 1 question for you…ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL?

Cheers and Hail