Thursday, November 12, 2009

The Mullet is a Lifestyle

Found this little gem on the NFL page and it reminded me of a funny moment in my life. Jared Allen has been a fantastic teammate of mine the last two years in Hawaii and it has been a pleasure spending a couple weeks around such a lifestyle. It’s also probably best for me that he lives 1000 miles away from me, as his mullet bravado is addictive.

Last February I sat with beer in hand around a second rate Hawaii hotel table celebrating a personal feat of nothingness in a NFC victory in the Pro Bowl. (I was the only player without a stat, well, I had 1 drop if that counts.) I couldn’t have been happier as I sat with the motley connection of Jared and my friends and family. We ate, drank and laughed, and while the night continued on, it seemed no one existed around us.

What we began to notice through the debauchery was that there was other people were around us and our party may have been somewhat of a show. Maybe not so much myself, but Jared seemed concerned with the onlookers. Before anyone could say anything a ketchup bottle had left Jared’s hand and was on a direct course to the adjacent table. This wasn’t your average paper plane like lob, the bottle, although a little wobbly, was on a line drive trajectory. Sooner than Jared’s movements caught the eye of anyone at the other table the red bottle drove into the back of the biggest guys head, shocking him forward and then to his feet.

Now in my opinion the struck man’s analysis of the situation was telling him it was best to sit back down as he quickly noticed Jared’s willingness to throw down worn directly on the back of his head. From that moment on I have never questioned the power of the mullet. Now as I watch the wild-man rope tying imaginary cows multiple times every Sunday I couldn’t have more respect for anyone else playing the game. Jared Allen is an awesome football player, one of the coolest guys I’ve hung out with and more importantly, he is a complete badass.

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Jared's Cribs episode is probably the best one ever

Much as I love his abilities as a foorball player, from that incident, he sounds like a nob. Unless the people at the other table were doing something to invoke Jared's wrath.

I must say I am inspired by this story. I have been growing my hair out for almost a year now, with one goal in mind. To sport only the freshest Mullet society has seen. The assumed power I have believed a Mullet could give me is now so evident through the story you have just conveyed to us. Along with a mustache I don't think there is anything my lifestyle will lack when I am sporting my stache an Mullet.

Mullets are gay and I've seen this guy do a couple other interviews. He reminds me of "the guy in high school who picked on everyone smaller than him so he could feel like a badass". Thats gay too. Not that I would tell him that because i'm sure it would quickly lead to a wedgy and a ketchup bottle to the back of the head. C'mon dude,your a professional football player and you act like a teenage boy talking to his buddy's about what a badass you are.

Cmon Cootie, let's hear about how crappy your team is. Or how you're the best "loose" end in the NFL.

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"dicknose" is such an underrated word. I would like everyone to please use the word dicknose once in their conversation today and report back with it's usage and response received.


"That was a dicknose move"
"Man, that guy is a total dicknose"
"Is it just me, or did gonzo from the muppets have a total dicknose?"

LOL! @skins2win. Don't think it gets any funnier than that!

classic...mullets are coming back!!1

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