Saturday, June 7, 2008

TC: Bring on the Hot Pants

Little does everyone know that the man soon to sport these short shorts in a few weeks also started the single greatest tradition in USU football history. "Tight End Tights Day."

The day only comes once a year with generally about 5 participants wearing a full suit of "man tights." The equipment manager issues the infamous spandex in late October and the team wears them under their uniforms when it's cold. After 3 years of wearing these navy blue butt huggers, Chris decided it was time to break the mold. Turning heads of the entire team and staff, he walked onto the field in nothing but his practice jersey and a pair 1980's black spandex complete with neon pink, green, and yellow lightning bolts electrifying the legs (not team issued). This was only be the beginning.

A year after Chris graduated, I began my football career by hearing nothing but "what are we going to do for tight end tights day. We have to top Cooley's lightning pants." Yes the lightning bolt show that occurred the year before would be hard to top but we had the perfect plan. Our defensive line coach, Tom McMahon, hated TE tights day so bad that for the last week of practice he refused to walk through our section of the locker room. The opportunity this presented was too good to resist. So, we had a senior tight end iron on "I heart Mac" on the butt of his spandex which embarrassed Coach Mac so bad that if he reads this today, his face will still turn red.

Before writing this I spoke to current USU players and they have informed that TE tights day lives on. So with the season fast approaching I felt it was time to address the issue of Chris starting a new tradition, Short Shorts Day. With Chris and Coach Zorn working as a team, there is no reason these babies can't make a comeback. Thanks 27 years ago to the Seahawks (and whoever saved this video), here is an ode to that classic look.

We have added another blogger to the site. Tanner Cooley (Chris' brother) will also be posting on the blog. Hope you enjoy.

Facebook Comments


This looks like a classic case of "What goes around, comes around". I'd like to see if Zorn still has good wheels like he did in his heyday. Thanks for the fun stuff. Keep bringin' it!

Your blog makes me laugh...I am a die hard Steelers fan and yet I have your blog under my favorites sections... Thanks for keeping me laughing.

Never a dull moment! I wait every year to see what will happen at Training Camp and at OTAs. Thanks for the giggles.

Brilliant! I hope Short Shorts Day makes a comeback, for the sake of man-thighs everywhere.

From one spandex wearing superhero to another, I appreciate Captain Chaos and his lycra tights. You gotta love the breathability.

Do you wax or Nair your man thighs before wearing those tiny shorts?

Gotta keep your drumsticks smooth n' sHexy, ya know...


all i can say is Richard Simmons would be proud Chris lol. but yet your other team clown portis hasn't been able to top that yet. nice to see you guys still having fun out there and remembering at the end of the day it is just a game.

Dude, it reminds me of some of my early 80s gym classes!

So, the poll regarding whether or not people would actually buy the hotpants if you sold them is about evenly split at 51/49 now. But that's still a lot of people who would buy them. I know I would definitely get a pair if they're reasonably priced. I think it's a great idea. Whether or not I'd wear them in public is another story, but it would be cool anyway.

Great Post Tanner!!! really funny..

my wife wants me to get a pair

Classic Post Coolz - I suppose it's better to be remembered for inspiring a comeback for wearing tight end shorts than being Joe Nameth and remembered for wearing panty hose..... not to give Chris any wacky ideas nor to insight any parallels to changing his name to Daisy Duke.
Hail To The Redskins!

the perfect Father's Day Gift!

awesome! im sure there is a picture somewhere of Chris in his lightening tights. that definately needs to be posted here for everyone get a good laugh at.

I would love to see Short Shorts day become a Redskin tradition!
Love those tight ends! ;-)

TC, big props for putting the period inside the quotations! 5 *s for excellent use of proper grammar!!

c'mon TANNER... give us the lightning bolts!

I don't see why people make a big deal about dudes in spandex shorts. Unless they're white and you're sweaty, at which point they become see-through and the entire girls soccer team sees your camel tail when you run through their practice assuming your shorts are still opaque. Not that anything like that ever happened to me in high school.

All the support (literally and figuratively) is great, but I wonder how many superfans would be out at Fedex in the middle of December sporting no tan.

Pitch it to Snyder. Free beer if you wear "no-see-ums" to Fedex and freeze your you-know-what's off. We gotta show these girly Cowgirls fans what it really means to love your team; right?

Great posts Chris. Lov'n it.

Billy Stewart

One more thought...

We don't yet really know Jim Zorn too well out here.

What's he gonna do to you for posting that YouTube video? Too funny!!!

Freekin' hilarious Cap'n. Keep it coming.

Billy Stewart

Omg Chris Man you got guts man those are to fruity lol Cooley I didn't know you had a Blog I'm so happy I might be your most active blogger so watch out for the spidey lol Cooley pleaseeeee Please check out my myspace page :P add me if you can Co co co co Cooooley :D I call you Captin Falcon :D cooley Your Wife is amazing man :P lucky man

oh shux tanner! was looking forward to it... hey I linked your story on my blog... hope you don't mind!


Assume that the Redskins run a play with a 5 WR spread featuring Santana Moss, ARE, Chris Cooley, Malcom Kelly and Devin Thomas (I'm assuming that Fred Davis is still in his bed "sleeping in"). All 5 WR's run different patterns, but they all intersect at a point exactly 19.3 yards down the field from the line of scrimmage. Assuming that Jason Campbell delivers the ball on target (I know, this is a HUGE assumption) at the precise moment the WR's reach this intersection, WHO CATCHES THE BALL?

Use each WR's height, 40 time, vertical leap, 225lb bench press and ego as variables to solve this problem. Assume it is not raining and wind is blowing 8MPH SSW and the ball is snapped at the opponent's 37 yard line. We are playing the New York Giants in this particular scenario.

Bonus Question: Is a touchdown scored on this play?

Tanner, that's hilarious. And that video... classic. Good work, good work. Maybe we can sport those shorts next time we go Golfing. Think Brillo would wear them? ;)

Nothing brings family together like SPANDEX!!! Ugh, I think I just threw up a little.

Looking forward to seeing you soon!


My vote would be for Zorn to sport the pants that Jack Patera is wearing, shown at the 1:25 mark in the clip.

Post a Comment