Gingerbread Land

Gingerbread houses are hard as hell to put together. Ryan Boschetti and I bought 4 of them at Costco the other day and figured we would have a competition in the Cooley household (for the last three weeks of the season Ryan and his wife have been hanging out at hotel Cooley). So last night were hanging out around the kitchen and the girls started to put their houses together. They both did a pretty good job constructing the walls and putting the frosting and decorations on. Ryan even complimented them on what a nice job they were doing putting together their "second place" houses.

After giving up about an hour head start I figured I should get down to business. I don't really know what I was expecting, but I though maybe a little super glue would have been nice to get the walls together, all they put in the box was frosting. I guess it works different in Gingerbread Land, but in the real world there is no way to establish any kind of a solid foundation with freaking frosting. Not only was I having a hard time getting the walls to stick together, I kept putting it on the wrong sides of the edges. 

So now I'm over 20 minutes into this endeavor and all I've accomplished is to get sticky shit all over the table and my hands and clothes. 20 more minutes pass and now I'm wiping down gingerbread walls with a rag because I've made to much of a frosting mess to even touch the stupid thing. After one more unsuccessful attempt I had had enough. Two of the walls fell down while I was putting the last wall in place. That's where my patience ended and my temper took over. There was gingerbread exploding off the walls and all over the kitchen floor and in that instant I felt total satisfaction. I was so much more powerful than the stupid gingerbread. Christy quickly brought me back to earth saying, "I sure hope the broom isn't too tricky for you, cause now you have to clean that mess up."

After brooming up every minuscule crumb I decided that there was no way I would concede the gingerbread 4H club. I had learned my frosting construction lessons and diligently went back to work. The fourth time putting the house together was a complete success. I even compensated for the broken half of the roof with a tightly fitting piece of tree.
After all my hard work and dedication, I can now happily say that I have earned the award of first place and a prize blue ribbon making me king of all gingerbread land.

The Guru: Christmas Wish List

10. Snow - Let's stick to the program here. The last x number of Christmases have been marked by 40+ degree weather, and even some rain and clear skies. Christmas is incomplete without powder, having Frosty parked in front of your house while you are unwrapping gifts and munching on a feast of turkey, stuffing, and egg nog. Let's have 5 inches this year- I feel like sledding.

9. Several boxes of hobby-style football cards - Now, just like CC, I enjoy shredding packs whether in a small card shop downtown or in the comfort of my own home. My favorite card brands are Donruss Elite, Press Pass Signature Edition, and (old school) Action Packed. I am most noted for shredding two packs, getting no inserts and buying the rest of the box. Receiving boxes would solve this problem. All Redskin cards would be saved for future signature opportunities.

8. A Chris Cooley Revolution Helmet - It's no secret around the NFL, Cooley's top is probably the toughest looking by far. I don't know if I could lower it to the position of a coffee table ornament. In fact, I would most likely wear the thing to class one or two days and rock it on game days. The fact that Chris smashed two of them to hell during a couple of the games is just mind-blowing to me. I think a smashed one might be better than the regular one.

7. A new business suit - Hey, it can't all be football. The thing is, I am set to graduate in May (hopefully), and I will need something snazzy to impress potential employers. That being said, it shouldn't come down to my dapper apparel, but appearance is everything. I'm already stunningly handsome, just need the suit to go with it. Maybe I will find some way to incorporate Redskin colors into the suit, or I will just apply to the Redskin office for a job. Hmmm..

6. An iPhone - My provider sucks, my phone sucks, something has to give. I get several emails from different people that say "Sent from my iPhone" I think that's pretty insane, and it has peeked my curiosity on the subject. You always want to be technically savvy. If not, just give me one of those early 90's cell phone that Zack Morris had on Saved by the Bell.

5. T.O.'s voice - Yes, you heard me. Just think, if I had T.O.'s voice then he wouldn't, and we wouldn't have to hear him talk from his ass about his relationship with (-----) . ESPN loves this MTV drama nonsense, and not many people like watching it or hearing about it. So when he was talking to Stephen A. about the whole unnecessary drama, and he was smiling say it was all fabricated by Ed Werder, Sorry, I don't believe him. Even talking about the Boys makes me ill, and I don't want to toss up my egg nog.

4. A signed game-worn CC47 jersey - He can pick the game, the jersey, the ink color, but one framed to add to my wall is a must. I think it is any fan's dream of getting his favorite player's game worn battle gear and getting it inked up. Some of the ones on the CC47 Shop are intense, and just highlight how much effort Chris gives each game. These are a little bit pricey, so hopefully ole man Kringle can come expand the budget (even with the economy) and come through for me. If not, put a couple jersey cards of 47 in those card boxes.

3. The Redskins to win out - Even though things in the second part of the season have not went our way, the players are working their asses off. Seeing the last two games as W's in the column is what I really want to see. And I think every Redskin fan does. It's good to finish strong, just like how we started. And if the Redskins beat the Eagles, my red-headed friend has to dye his hair jet-black. So let's keep that in mind.

2. Season tickets for the 2009 Season - Hey, I can wish can't I? The thing is, even though I enjoy going with my friends and their families or wearing the 47 while watching in my room, the 2009 season would be totally complete with a pair of seats somewhere in the stadium. Yes, I would accept on top of the flagpole. Or maybe I could work something out for a Guru Executive Suite, right next to Mr. Snyder with a big sign alerting to the suite and my signature above it. Back to reality, I expect to make the last home game this season and hopefully numerous next season.

1. A Redskin cheerleader - Speaking of wishing, this makes my number one wish to Santa. If you try and argue with me about this, then make sure you still have a pulse. Yes, all I want for Christmas is a Redskin cheerleader. God bless America. When I am at the home games, I feel like they are all looking at me. For those of you at the games feeling like they are all looking up at the higher level, you are correct in your assumptions. They are looking at section 450.

Needless to say, Santa has his hands full with this list. Hopefully he takes the list one at a time- starting with #3. Let's finish strong!!!

Hail to the Redskins

Christmas Decorations

I'm learning how big of a deal decorating for Christmas really is. It's no, lets throw the tree and lights up real quick and move on with life. To do any kind of job it's, lets spend at least a day and go to Target and go to Costco and pick out all kinds of fun new stuff, then go home and work our asses off putting up all the shit we just bought. Getting into the Christmas spirit in the Cooley household this year first involved a number of purchases. My first ever plastic tree, as well as a smaller version of said plastic tree, 50 feet of lighted garland, 800 extra outdoor lights, a wooden Santa Claus train, 10 different candles and multiple ornaments. Thankfully I passed on the triple set of lighted snowmen.

Get past spending the money and the store is the easy part. The first thing we did when we got home was put together the trees. Should have been easy, but before I knew it I was laying on my back with the tree falling on me. Those plastic trees are really heavier than expected and it was no surprise to either Christy or I that something was going wrong. After the tree was erect came the highlight of my day. When you buy a plastic tree you get a remote control for changing the lights or turning them off comes in the box. With curious excitement about how long it would take her to figure out I was messing with her, I sat on the couch and changed the light channels on the tree. I turned them on and off, flashed and changed their colors and then on and off over and over, all the while Christy assured me something was completely wrong with our new tree. It was mean, but it was just one of those simple things that made me so happy. 
Once we got the trees all together and hung the ornaments I became Clark Grizzwald. I had the ladder out of the garage and lights all over the place. I was hammering nails and stringing wires all over the place. I know I'm not going to win any awards, but looking out the outside of my house tonight I am beaming with pride over my accomplishments. Christmas is always a good time of the year for me an my family. I don't know what it is that makes me so happy about looking at all the decorations, but I'm sure love em. I mean, probably enough to keep everything up until at least mid January, either that or my laziness will put off taking them down.