Z's Finger

There was a little bit of nervous excitement at Redskins park for my hardworking, blogger of a brother Tanner. I have invited him down to the team cafeteria for lunch the last couple days and we've sat and shot the shit with different guys. We actually had a 30 minute conversation about contracts and a rookie salary cap with Joe Theisman yesterday, which was really cool. So this morning after practice we headed downstairs to grab a bite before the afternoon break and I not only brought my brother, but also my cousin Ryan.

As camp began a couple weeks ago the team had an initial rules meeting and I have to say that I vaguely recall the cafeteria rules being that only players could eat in the players area. There was also a couple different areas, one for the coaches and another for the helpers. The helpers tables being the ones that seem to be quarantined off to the back of the room where no one could possible hear or see anything. The thing is, as camp has dragged on I kinda dismissed the eating rule and had Tanner come down for a couple meals.

This morning ended the free lunch for family spree. After heading downstairs, I went ahead and got my food, then sat down to eat. As I glanced up out of the corner of my eye I saw Z's finger sternly beckoning Ryan as he piled the food on his plate. Head on a swivel he then quickly surveyed the lunchroom, finding Tanner and giving him an assertive, pointing c'mere, like "I caught you buddy." I watched from afar as the lecture went on for the next couple minutes, only guessing what was being said. I then watched while I continued to eat as they quietly crept around the corner like scolded puppies to the last of the workers tables.I went ahead and finished my meal in the players section before heading over to calm the two sulking little kids at the back table. I couldn't help but laugh as I got there and Tanner asked me if Z was gone yet so he could leave. I tried to confirm that it wasn't a big deal and that Z really wasn't mad at him, but he wouldn't leave his hidden table until I went back and checked if the head man was gone. Finally they talked me into a spy mission and we decided I would make a bird sound if Z wasn't there and we could leave. So with no head man in sight I made a screeching ka-kaaa we headed out the side door. As we got to the car both Tanner and Ryan had come up with a bunch of ideas on how to have better handled the situation. Hindsight solutions are always much more creative and while we laughed off their scolding, I though it would be fun to share a couple brilliant ways to handle a head coach.

By the way, before I share anything else, I would like to state that I am the one writing this story because Tanner is still scared of upsetting Z. So his point of view will be null and void for this story. Let me reiterate, Tanner wants nothing but to be on Zorn's good side. Also, feel free to share any other fantastic ideas in the comment area. Thanks.

- Drop plates of food at Z's feet and run.
- Pee in pants, slowly watching a puddle accumulate on the floor. Maintain a half grin of warm pleasure.
- Collapse into a full epileptic seizure - avoid banging head too hard on the ground.
- Shrug shoulders, laugh loudly while telling Z what a good joke that was. Congratulate him again having such a great sense of humor, then give him a friendly back handed tap in the nut sack before making their way to my table.
- Slowly, but carefully fold money in hand while he is lecturing, then using the appropriate tipping method, slip in a 20, and tell him to give you the best table he can find.
- Pull pants down, wait for spanking.
- Kiss him on the lips, tell him he is a beautiful man and you think about him every night. Tell him what a lucky woman his wife is. Gently grab his biceps before walking away. Sigh softly.
- Tell him to hold on for a second, then answer pretend phone call, say hello loudly to president Obama. Hold up finger, asking for minute then casually stroll away.
- "Hey Jim. Woah, Big Gulps, huh? All right! Well, see ya later"

Posted in: