Sunday, January 4, 2009

Do You Have A Plan

Well, first of all I have to apologize for taking the last couple weeks off from writing or really reading anything on the blog. It's a little rough making a phantom trip to the west coast to play a slap game and then coming up with something to say. Maybe you could even call it writers block. I guess I felt like I needed some kind of conclusion for the season and nothing has really come to mind over the last week. At least there really wasn't anything I felt needed said, again it's been rough. So to move on and conclude this season, it's a bummer, but if were not good enough to make the playoffs, we probably weren't good enough to be in the Super Bowl. We need to play much better.

On the flip side of things, I will admit it was pretty tough watching Philly win after we beat their ass twice this season. Although it's near impossible to care for anyone in green, I have decided that I would live vicariously in the playoffs through Brent Celek. I can justify this plan because he is my favorite tight end. Ball out buddy!

Now, out of the football funk and onto off season adventures! Just so everyone is clear, while I will continue working out, I basically have the next four months off. Really, it's summer vacation and I'm hoping to have some pretty cool shit going on without wearing pads and a helmet. Why not begin immediately.

A couple days after new years Christy and I packed up the car and headed down to Charlotte to hang out with our friends Daniel and Ariana. We didn't have any plans in mind, but we just wanted to chill out for a couple days and take advantage of relaxing in the early off season.

Everything was going great the first couple days, I was even an anonymous blender-iner, which was great. Saturday night our little group decided to go to Earnhardt's bar, The Whiskey River. Around noon the girls announced new outfits were a necessity for the night and to the mall. We took my car and when we got to the parking lot Daniel says,  "We can't park the CL in the lot, you gotta valet it." 

5 minutes into the mall and we lost the girls in Guess. I know weird, we just lost them and Dan and I were off into the mall. As long as I can just cruise around and watch people, I'm fine with going shopping. Making the afternoon even better that I expected, I bought an sweet yellow shirt with red, blue and purple naked ladies posing on it. Needless to say, it's pretty awesome!
Everything was right on schedule as we headed out of the mall. The girls both got Bebe shirts, I got a new hat with a C on the front, Dan got a Nats hat and we even checked out some crazy art store. Pretty fun day. As we got closer to the exit the discussion turned to the proper way to place money in you hand before giving it to the valet guy. My idea is that it kind of just goes in the crease in the middle of your palm, then it's just quickly placed in the other persons hand. Dan thinks it goes in between the fingers and the receiver kind of feels it and takes it. Whatever it was quickly became irrelevant after the valet guy comes back and says,  "Your key fab doesn't open the car."

As I walked over to the car I was sure that they had somehow mixed up the keys or were playing some kind of silly game on me. But unfortunately, we really did have a dysfunctional key and not a valet joke. What the key is supposed to do in case of malfunction is come apart and be able to serve some sort of manual function. My key, it didn't do this at all. And after opening the doors open, the alarm blew up for a half and hour and continued to do so any time we opened the door over next two hours. After so deliberation, reading the manual, and spending some quality time with Mercedes on the phone, we came to the conclusion. "We're not starting the car."

I'm at a mall in Charlotte and there is no way to start my car. Fun. Seriously, Mercedes has thought of everything to put in a car. I guess after you think of everything, you need to get back to basics and figure out how to make keys turn ignitions. And top off shenanigans, Christy says "So do you have a plan?" Even a day later I'm still not sure of my plan.
What we did was screw around at the parking lot trying every different thing we could do to start the car. And just before all hell broke loose, Eastern Motors rescued me. Although they were short of magically turning the ignition via satellite, they did send a tow truck and another car for me to drive home. Even though were going to have to leave the car at the mall for the next day and a half at least some decisions was made. Thanks for the help Easterns!

It was now 8 o'clock. We had spent the last seven hours at the mall and finally we had the valet stand get a town car to get us home. If our day hadn't been interesting enough, the cab ride back certainly made it even better. I was the last to get in the car and I'm yelling "Hold on Skippy!" as I'm half way out the door while he's peeling out of the parking lot.  I almost lost my legs because the guy had to finish a screaming Egyptian conversation before he could ask us where we were going. Great. 

After giving the guy directions the dude starts telling us about all the strip clubs in town. He even offered to babysit the wives while we sat in "The Men's Club," While this was a pretty attractive offer, my trust level for this guy just wasn't quit there yet. We did however benefit from the club conversation. I learned to say "I love tits" in Egyptian. "Baheb Bizaz," if that's really what it means and if not I'm sorry if I offended anybody. The guy then asks us if we like Egyptian music while, at the same time, he cranked up the volume. So for the last 20 minutes to the house we had a banging dance party in the back of the car (I'm sure bizaz man was stoked he couldn't hear us anymore). He dropped us off around nine and everyone was thankful to be back in the house. We were bummed that there was no Whiskey River, but at least a good story!

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