Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Yode's Corner: The Practical Joke

The NFL is full of pranksters and jokers (so is the MLB). Really it's men that play a serious game for a living filling in the boring times by acting like school boys and having some fun. In the 8 years I have played I have seen, experienced, and heard about some funny jokes that have been played on guys. Usually the jokes start out as simple humor but most always get escalated into elaborate retaliatory strikes that eventually will cross the line of good taste. Which leaves me to classify the pranks into three groups, the good, the bad, and the ugly.

First let us examine the good. One of the longest running and most tasteful of jokes in the NFL comes on Thanksgiving. This one is aimed mostly at rookies but sometimes you might catch one of the veterans sleeping. You have one of the coaches tell everyone that they are giving out free turkeys to the players at a local grocery store. You might add a flyer in the lockers to make it look more official. In order to catch guys in the act, a hidden video camera is set up to catch the expressions on the guy’s faces to come to the realization that there are no free turkeys. Most guys will try to deny they went to pick up their free turkey, and then the tape rolls in the team meeting to see who fell for the prank. Simple pranks also include hiding clothes, car keys, and sometimes their actual vehicle might be subject to relocation. I've seen a giant tape ball about 2 feet in diameter with a players car keys somewhere in the middle, which could take quite a long time to unravel.

Next we have the bad. These pranks involve more thought and scheming, they may come close to crossing the line. Most of the time the recipient will spend a great deal of time and effort to recover from the experience. One specific example would be when a player walked out to the parking lot to discover his vehicle on cement blocks with no wheels. To his dismay he had to then locate his tires, which he found in his locker. After wheeling all the tires back to his car, he spent the rest of the afternoon reinstalling his tires before heading home.

Another example involves altering guys clothing before road trips. In the rush to get ready to get to the airport, guys have found their dress socks with holes cut out of the toes or their shoelaces snipped so as they tie them, they pull the entire lace from the shoe. Buttons also get removed from dress shirts and ties have been cut in half and taped back together. This counts as personal property damage, which doesn't sit well with the guy that just spent $200 on a new tie. With no time to correct the problem, the player has no choice but to wear what he's got because the flight is leaving with or without him.

Now for the ugly. These can be hysterical as long as you aren't the recipient of the prank. These definitely cross the line, usually involving bodily fluids, feces, or road kill. I've witnessed feces in a bag, placed in a shoe, the bottom of a locker, and even a guy’s helmet. The player that goes to put on his helmet and finds a bag of shit on his head is not going to be a happy camper. The usage of dead animals has also found a place in the locker room. This has consisted of rats, fish, and even a possum have been placed in guy’s belongings or cars. The stench that emits is enough to make you puke once it has been discovered. This can take hours, even days before the culprit is found.

The latest in this line of pranks was the placement of someone’s car keys in an empty Gatorade bottle; the bottle was then filled with urine and frozen. Defrosting piss can be a daunting task just to recover your keys. Not to mention the psychological damage that it has incurred with the thought that every time you start your car you are touching keys that have been immersed in another man's piss.

The good, bad, and ugly are just a taste of the pranks and jokes that occur in most NFL locker rooms. During a grueling, mundane, and exhausting season of football these occurrences are a way to keep the atmosphere light and upbeat. So for all you 9 to 5'ers watch out for your co-worker in the cubicle next to you, he may have pissed on your keyboard, now go wash your hands.

Thanks again to Todd Yoder. We will continue to post as he continues to write.

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18 comments:

Us 9-to-5'ers can do it too, Yoder.

This was my holiday gift to my cube mate a few years ago.

Phenomenal post, man. Keep it up.

Todd,
What were the pranks you did on last years rookies?

Also, you can take the new guy paintballing and shoot him point blank in the crotch. See Landry, Laron

Hey Todd, What do you think about getting an autograph from you and cooley at Kegs and Eggs and finding that one of you drew a Penis on it. I must say I laugh everytime I see it.

This whole post had me laughing the whole time. Finding somebody's shit or piss in shoes or a helmet tho? Oh my stars! I'd be pissed...LOL

Nice Blog, Yoda.

I love reading these type stories, it give the NFL some personality. Practical jokes are good but can definately get to serious or damaging. I hope all keep it in perspective.

Thanks again, Todd.

Rando

how about filling a 55 gallon trash can half with water, piss, shit, and a few old shoes (drunk stupidity is responsible for the shoes of course), leaning the can on your teammate's door and knocking. OHHHH the sound of GOOOOSSHHH is pretty funny, but the sound of your buddy cussin because his dorm room is flooded is just damn hysterical!

This is not quite as bad as the story of 2 brothers that one ups each other on their birthday gift whereby they send each other more elaborate useless gifts. One brother finally won when he ship a Cadillac, stripped down into parts, encased in 1 large concrete block. I don't think they managed to top that one.

Here is a good one. Take some guda (sp?) cheese and place it on the seat frame of his car. If you tuck it inside the metal grooves (where the seat can slide forward/back), he will never find it. And the stench will linger forever.

I know in High School Football the upperclassmen used to piss all over the underclassmen in the showers when they weren't looking.

Yoder or Cooley, does that happen in the NFL or College?

Thanks!
Tommy

I will never by yellow gatorade again.

Ok, that's just friggin' disgusting. I've always thought that a good joke should not include property damage. And it definitely should not include making someone drop feces on their head or fish their keys out of urine. Ugh.

I saw an interview with Trent Dilfer back when he was with the Ravens.

He and Chris Redman would go back and forth with pranks...but Trent had made a certain thing off limits. When Redman crossed that line, Dilfer put a personal ad in teh Baltimore City paper...in the Men seeking Men section. Put Redmond's info and REAL cell number in there. Guy got hundreds of calls and messages from gey men looking for a hook-up. F-ing hilarious.

Good stuff Todd,
I played ball with your boy Miggs in Charleston. We've done dead birds in the toilet of hotel rooms, tidal waves, staples in the deodorant, and even lighting a baseball on fire and throwing it in the other dugout during rain delays. And you can't forget about the classic Hot Foot. Great Blog, keep 'em coming.

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